I recently walked in on my boyfriend of two years engaged in sexual acts with two of his male rugby teammates. I had no clue he was gay/bisexual, or how long this has been going on.
He told me that it was a team hazing. He says all rookies go through this. I do not believe him (the season is almost over).
But I love him. This has had a serious impact on me emotionally.
He wants to continue our relationship. He assures me that it was his first and only time with men. Again, I do not believe him.
We have some holiday events to still attend, but my mind is racing.
What Should I Do?
Go to your events together but do not have sex with him until he’s been tested for STD’s. I agree that it’s hard to believe a “hazing” late in the season, or that this is the only time he’s had sex with others while dating you.
It’s a tough season to cancel obligations to show up places.
Afterward, your love won’t last if he doesn’t disclose how and why this happened.
Even if it truly were a first… why the curiosity or need, if you two are happy together and committed to each other?
You need to know, or you won’t trust him again, or feel comfortable with intimacy.
If you carry on through the holidays to avoid emotional drama, then insist on a break while he thinks through his actions. He must explain them to you in a credible way.
Or move on without him in the New Year.
My brother’s open with me about regularly smoking marijuana three to four times daily. He’s 40, a stay-at-home dad with two young children with whom I’m very close.
He’s not open about his drug use with my parents. They suspect something and ask me about it. I don’t want to intervene.
However, his behaviour troubles me. His house smells strongly like marijuana (although he smokes outside), he has mood swings, and severe headaches.
He’s always stoned, and perhaps doesn’t realize how he comes across – glassy-eyed, sedate, making inappropriate comments, some quite hurtful.
I don’t tell him about my disapproval.
Last year he was hospitalized for an ulcer and severe migraines, and the doctors told him to stop smoking marijuana. He did quit for several months, but is now back at it.
How should I address this?
I worry about our relationship, as he’s always stoned, and often says something that irritates me. I worry about the kids. Am I butting in where I shouldn’t be?
Angry and Concerned
When it comes to kids, you have a moral duty to intervene, to discover if he’s responsible when he’s alone with them. Otherwise, his habit and its effects may be considered emotionally abusive to young children (at the least).
Your disapproval isn’t the issue… you could always walk away when he’s nasty to you. It’s also not your concern whether he tells your parents, unless he relies on them to take over when he’s “unwell.”
The kids are the serious worry here. It’s unclear if he’s a single parent, or their mother’s around after work and on weekends. And whether she’s aware of the extent of his pot use. If she’s on the scene and unaware, she needs to be told.
Your relationship is already tainted. Remaining silent only keeps the children at risk, not to mention his own health that he’s ignoring.
Speak up to everyone concerned.
I've liked my best friend (male) for three years. My out-of-town cousin would visit, and we’d talk about him. She knew my feelings.
Now, in Grade 11, she’s moved to my school.
I introduced them. After a week, he texted me that he likes her.
She said she likes him too, and she’s waiting for my reaction.
I couldn’t sleep. The next day they were together, people said they’re dating already. What to do?
Stay cool, and say nothing. You’re all still new at dating etiquette; family complicates this one.
Since he didn’t know your feelings, he did nothing wrong.
She crossed a line, but she would’ve otherwise had to reveal your crush, which might’ve ended your closeness with both of them.
Things will change naturally. Stay friendly, but don’t tell your cousin you’re hurt and don’t discuss their dating. You’re free to date, too.
Crushes live in imagination. The real people sometimes disappoint.
Tip of the day:
Lovers, who cheat, same-sex or otherwise, risk their relationship.