Can there be too many differences between two people and love still keep them together?
One couple among my friends don’t seem to fit together.
She’s more spiritual and a regular church attendant; he doesn’t go at all.
He’s a smoker, she’s not; he likes to drink but she doesn’t. She’s always decent but he tells all manner of jokes.
One loves parties, the other doesn’t.
Once, she attended a party but left early with many excuses - she didn’t feel well, wasn’t comfortable among friends who drink and drive, was worried about her kids, and tired.
That was her first and last party with our friends.
She later said that her strict family background influenced her lifestyle.
However, the couple had some things in common: they’re both impulsive. Also, depending on the news they read, they had either an excellent day or a really bad one. Both easily influenced by news!
They seemed in love with each other. Will their relationship last?
If this is really about a friend, your guess is as good as mine.
If it’s really about you - that’s sometimes the case when people write to advice columns - then the outcome depends on you as much as him, plus the circumstances you’ll face over time.
Can love conquer all odds? Yes, but it takes a lot of will and respect along with a strong emotional connection.
Example: Someone who doesn’t like to drink can accept that a partner does enjoy it, and both can decide if they’re comfortable with one attending drinking parties and the other avoiding them.
Marriage is a long-haul ride together. There are bumps and obstacles, but there’s also the comfort of companionship and the shared goal of achieving happiness together.
The two people described are both impulsive yet sensitive, keeping informed and attuned to a larger world they care about.
They have as much chance of staying together long-term as any couple that looks on the surface like “a perfect match.”
I love my work but I don't care for the office manager. Several years ago, we both were offered a higher-paying position.
She turned it down stating she doesn't like handling money. I jumped at the opportunity.
Since then, the manager’s been making my life hell. When our director’s gone for long periods, the office manager will complain to our board of directors that I don't say good morning to her.
Or, she’ll flat-out lie that I THROW files on her desk. In the last year, I've been pulled into two meetings with the chairman when the director wasn't present and told I have an attitude problem which must change.
Each time I've told the chairman that with as many organizations as I've worked with in the past, I've never been brought into meetings for an apparent attitude problem.
What can I do to ensure this doesn't happen to me or change the office dynamics? We are a very small staff.
It’s called “harassment” and stems from jealousy that you now earn more than her.
In such a small staff, you need to be strategic in response.
Be “nice.” Say “good morning” so all can hear. Bring files to her after emailing that you’ll be doing so, then deliver them carefully. Keep the email record.
Also keep records of anything you feel can later be turned into a wrongful complaint to the board of directors, with a copy to your immediate director.
Reader’s Commentary “Why do people think revealing a crush is too embarrassing?
“They don't realise it can be liberating for both parties.
“Only if the one having the crush cannot bear the truth, he/she should keep silent.
“However, when the elephant in the room is addressed, the person with the crush then knows how to handle the response.
“I’m a woman who once expressed my attraction to a male co-worker. He said he had a girlfriend.
"What a shame," I thought, but nothing more.
“If one has a sense of self-worth, there’s nothing embarrassing. It's not wrong to develop feelings for another human being.
“Besides, if that crush were evident but never revealed, it’s more awkward for its object to broach it first.
“Also, the person with the crush can ask the other out directly, and inquire if he or she is attached.
“I was okay with the answer. My co-worker said I was courageous.”
Tip of the day:
Love can conquer differences that two people confront with mutual respect, and an ultimate shared goal.