I'm a Caucasian woman, in my early 30s, in love with a man of bi-racial background (his mom was African-American and his father white). My parents live in a small, very conservative community and have always been prejudiced against people of colour.

I love my parents but could never understand their bigotry, and made myself open to people of all kinds.

I don't want to lose my family, but definitely plan to marry my boyfriend. My father has stated that I can never bring him or any future children of ours to my parents' home.

Is there any way I can convince them to give my partner and future family a chance?

Cut Off

You've already made your stand with a bold, courageous choice, despite knowing it'd bring controversy and even estrangement from your parents. They won't easily change, but some subtle strategies could affect their position over time.

Stay in contact as best you can by phone, email, and cards for occasions, etc. Ask about them, and let them know some details of your life, too, e.g. how your job is going, what activities you might be doing, the familiar things that remind them of a daughter who still cares about them.

One or the other might soften first, and it may be the news of having a grandchild that prompts them to finally relent and see you with your family.

However, be prepared that they may never accept your union. OR, that their disapproval remains under the surface and diminishes any happiness at seeing them. You need to be sure you're strong enough to handle those possibilities and not build up false hopes of acceptance.

My boyfriend and I are both in our 60s; the power of reuniting (he was an old flame) has been overwhelming. We're re-experiencing our youth, but not living together yet.

However, he has episodes of anger out of proportion to the situation. I broke up with him after the last one - unfortunately, I was so upset that I told my grown sons. Although he's never hit me, they saw it as abuse and they've made it clear to him to stay away from me.

But I called him after two months apart and we've been secretly seeing each other again for a month.

Why? Well, the flame won't die and we both want to be together and are prepared to do whatever it takes to make it work. We're both getting counselling and I'm learning how to deal with a very emotionally charged relationship that has my baggage from the past woven through it.

How do I go about telling my family that I've taken him back? I fear they'll be very critical and judgmental. The secrecy is killing.

Wit's End

See Above. Sometimes, a personal choice means putting some of your family second, and a great relationship first.

However, in this case, consider whether your bond is on a solid footing, or an intoxicating dream on both your parts. That's the question you need to explore in your counseling - separately as well as in couples' therapy.

You, especially, need to decide whether you can be comfortable without your children's support, since they may wash their hands of this situation due to fear for you, and yes, judgment too.

And do NOT move in together for at least one year, to see if he really can control his anger. If he can't, your adult kids are being more realistic than their mom.

I graduated from university and returned home to save money toward grad school. However, I'm spiraling into complete apathy.

I feel isolated and sad, despite trying to build my social calendar with work, sports, etc. I have no drive to further any personal goals.

Any ideas how to make shifts? I live in an isolated area, have no boyfriend, and my future career goals are somewhat vague.

In Limbo

Your savings are of no use if you don't save yourself first. The plan to stay home isn't working. So find a roommate, affordable apartment, part-time job.... whatever it takes to move you forward out of isolation. You may need to re-settle in your university locale or other bigger community, to do this.

Career counseling (possibly available from your university) will help you define your goals and find upgrading courses, workshops, internships, etc. that can steer you in the right direction.