My big mouth has gotten me into trouble; in the heat of the moment I said some things I didn’t really mean about a girlfriend’s sisters… I said them to her mother-in-law.  

I believe my blabbing has been repeated to my friend. I’ve tried via email to speak with her but am getting nowhere.

I learned she’s pregnant, emailed congratulations and offered to discuss the issues that soured our relationship. No response.

Should I just drop this matter?

- Big Mouth

Apologize. Stop trying to set up a meeting or discuss “issues.” Knock on her door, write a letter, send flowers, whatever it takes to get these words out: “I’m so sorry and terribly ashamed of what I said. It was stupid, mean, and wrong, and I truly regret that I hurt you.” Then back off, and call in a few weeks to ask how the pregnancy is going. 

Meanwhile, practice talking only to yourself, when you’re about to exhibit nastiness.

My boyfriend of three years and I have a son, 2; my boyfriend’s sister calls herself my son’s Aunt, but won’t allow her kids to call me Aunt. Her excuse for this is that we aren’t married. She’s not even religious! 

My boyfriend says our son will no longer call her Aunt.

This makes me stressed when around her. I avoid her. It seems like she’s trying to break us up or push me out of this family.

I think she’s jealous – I’m going to school to get a career, and be self-sufficient. She’s relying on her husband, she only works a couple months of the year.

She’s also very controlling of him - he cannot carry cheques, a bankcard, even drive the family vehicle when he wants.

I don’t know what to do to be comfortable around this family.

- Annoyed

Rise above this. Yes, your sister-in-law’s a control freak and everyone else undoubtedly knows this as well as you. So, her “Aunt” nonsense is just another way she rules her small world. Don’t let it affect your relationship with your boyfriend (he’s been supportive), nor encourage him to have a lasting rift with her. 

If she’s jealous, so be it, you can’t change that. But you can be the secure, sane member of this family who sees through her insecurity, and is decent enough to not lower to her level and create more family trouble.

I’m a woman, 25, educated, with severe depression and anxiety disorder. Depression runs in my family. I’ve been on and off medication and I see a competent, thoughtful psychiatrist regularly. 

My depression has been an obstacle in completing my education and has also made it extremely difficult to maintain social contacts. I tend to get irrationally upset over small disagreements; often the dispute will be resolved, but I still feel angry, sad or betrayed long afterwards.

At what point does it make sense to accept that life is never going to improve and give up?

- Desperately Low

I urge you to stay on your medication and connect with your psychiatrist whenever you consider “giving up.” That low point in chronic depression almost always relates to whether you’ve gone off your meds voluntarily, require the dosage to be changed (which commonly occurs periodically) or need to speak to your therapist due to a current crisis. You can find someone helpful to talk to immediately, by calling your local distress centre. (Distress Centre of Toronto: 416- 598-0166.) 

Remember, there are always periods of brighter days as well.

My wife of 40 years gets easily tired and it’s interfering with our social life. I like to go out, see movies, take in local festivities; she’s uncomfortable in large crowds, and often says she has a headache and needs her sleep. 

She’s still working hard, whereas I’m retired.

We love each other and still have sex, but the lack of outside entertainment is a problem for me.

- Feeling Chained

Work on your intimacy, not just sex: that means communication, caring and compromise. 

“She’s still working hard.” Maybe she feels she has to financially, maybe she enjoys her work (as much as you enjoy night life).

Discuss options: e.g. you having one regular night out on your own, her agreeing to another night out with you, choosing events that are less crowded.

Also, make sure you’re sharing the household chores, starting with you having dinner ready after her workday.