Reader’s Online Dating Commentary “I’ve had one of the best dates and also the scariest date with the same guy, whom I met online.
“I’d noticed his picture on my friend’s Facebook, and sent him a private message (he was good-looking in the way that attracts me most).
“After several texts back and forth, it seemed easier because of our jobs, for me to drive the hour’s distance between us.
“I’m a confident woman, have a good job, and felt comfortable that this guy was in my friend’s social circle.
“I met him at a bar, then we went for dinner. It was all very easy, fun, and promising.
“He offered to drive to my place for our next date. He was vague about the time, so that day, I asked him to be specific. He never answered. But I had things to do.
“Suddenly, he said he was ten minutes away. I said I was out doing errands. He got instantly angry and sent texts every minute.
“I decided to meet him at a nearby bar, now uncomfortable about being alone in my apartment with him.
“He lashed out as soon as I arrived, saying he’d gone to “great trouble to meet my girlfriend and was treated so badly.”
“Girlfriend? He then loudly announced that we were OVER! I left but received angry texts throughout the night.
“I know now that even if someone’s known to a friend, he’s still a stranger.”
My cousin’s morbidly obese. She’s mid-40s, but I’m afraid she’ll die too young because of her condition.
She’s good at her work (a desk job), has two wonderful sons, and a husband who’s given up trying to get her to lose weight.
I’m the younger cousin who always admired her - she was once healthy, slim, and beautiful.
But an abusive boyfriend convinced her that she was ugly and fat. She became bulimic in her late-teens.
She then alternated between bulimic bouts, binge eating, and gaining weight.
Twenty-five years later, she’s bigger than ever after tons of diets, injections, and even stomach surgery.
I’m the godmother of her children and feel a responsibility to them, since I fear she’ll not live to see them grow to adults.
She’s always shut down any conversations about her weight. So how can I help her?
Help her want to save herself.
Do this by getting her informed of the facts and accepting professional help.
She needs to absorb the reality that morbid obesity is risking her life, and her connection to her children and husband.
Eating disorders, such as bulimia and anorexia, are related to obesity.
What started for her as body-image issues, self-loathing, and likely depression, too, turned into a life pattern of unhealthy eating, dieting, and denial.
But it’s root cause is emotional, and she needs a mental health specialist to help her change her eating behaviour and motivations.
She cannot do this alone, or with prodding from you.
But she does need your support. Do the research, have her read it on her own. Tell her you love her and fear she’s at the crossroads of her life.
Then make an appointment with a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist who has background in this, with her agreement.
Go with her. Even if the therapist won’t let you attend the session, wait there for her.
Do this until you believe she’ll attend appointments on her own, unless she needs you to get her there.
I was raised in a very macho household. My father came from South America. My big brother was treated like a King.
When he turned 14 (and I was six), our father took him on a “special” trip to his home country.
Years later, I learned that the trip’s purpose was for my brother to lose his virginity there.
I now have a son and find this whole concept repugnant.
What’s your take on this “custom?”
I’ve learned that this custom has been practiced in some countries in Europe, as well as in South America, and possibly elsewhere.
But it’s not common in North America, and was never widespread.
It’s never been presented to me by readers as a custom they practiced.
Since this isn’t the way you and your husband expect your son to learn about sex, it need no longer be a concern.
That was then, that was your father’s way, this is now, your son.
Tip of the day:
Online or otherwise, go slow and cautious… every new date’s unknown and unpredictable for a while.