I’m in love with a colleague; I’m also married (20 years) with an adult child. 

My colleague and I have worked together a year but have had no intimate contact, and no contact outside work. 

I know she likes me, but I cannot assess the depth of her affection. She knows I’m married; she has a boyfriend. 

I’ve never had a relationship other than with my wife, and we married young. 

My colleague and I come from different religions and cultures but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve flirted with her and feel guilty about this whole thing. I’ve tried to do the right thing, though it’s been hard from my heart’s perspective, by looking for work elsewhere, but this is a bad time to seek work. 

Should I try to find out from my colleague where we stand, or assume it’s just a passing office romance, or keep looking for work outside? 

- At a Crossroads

So far, it’s a crush, not an office romance. And the great benefit of a crush is that it doesn’t yet disrupt your whole life. No nasty discovery by a betrayed wife; no angry explosions from a disgusted adult child; no drama and tension at the workplace as other colleagues weigh in with judgments. BUT, be prepared that if you take this attraction further, all of the above is possible, even predictable. 

Meanwhile, there’s no strong indication your colleague feels the same way rather than just enjoys the flattery and flirting. She might even be horrified at the idea of such a complicated relationship as is in your mind. 

My answer? Take a cold shower and do some serious thinking. A crush can also make the workplace fun, and its fantasies can even be used to bring fresh energy to your marriage. Maybe that’s all you’re really ready to handle. 

If it becomes an obsession, push yourself harder to find employment elsewhere.

My boyfriend’s mother was supportive at the beginning of our two-year relationship, but her attitude has completely changed.  She’s resorted to calling me a controlling slut. 

His parents have also told my grandparents and family friends that I’m a horrible person destroying their family. I’ve heard her saying these things on the phone to my boyfriend. 

I’ve invited his family to parties and been nice to them, even though they don’t deserve it.  They blame all their family problems on me, though I rarely visit, because of these reasons.  

My boyfriend, who’s stuck at home because of the economy, has to spend one day weekly without seeing me since his mom demands his time. 

Things keep getting worse! 

- HELP needed in South Carolina

Something turned his mother off; I’m guessing that her son’s unemployment, and your thinly veiled attitude of what his family “doesn’t deserve,” has her disappointed and worried about his current lifestyle. 

Your guy must step up: 1) He has to tell his mother that he won’t tolerate her insulting behaviour to you, or her negative comments, and he must hang up when she persists. 

2) He has to give his mom “real” time – perhaps she needs for help in the house or going shopping, etc. But if it’s just to hang around her, he’s better off looking for work or upgrading his skills to find work. 

He’s playing a weak role, doing nothing, and you’re taking the blame. If you encourage him to find some ambition, his family will see your positive influence.

When our dog was a puppy, we taught her to “do her business” in a designated area with bark chips.  We have kids who use the lawn – the dog doesn’t.  

However, two family members bring their dogs over for various family functions.  They don’t take their dogs to the bark chips and instead let their dogs despoil the lawn and flowerbeds. 

I’ve made it clear, with a watering can, that I don’t appreciate it.  I have to retrain our own dog for weeks afterwards to use the bark chips again.  

Without causing family strife, how can I fix this?

- Tired of brown spots! 

Make it clearer: Greet these thoughtless guests with firm instructions about the bark chips; and quickly deal with any “accidents” while handing over a poop ‘n’ scoop bag. 

Also, introduce your relatives, in an encouraging way, to the web site of dog expert Cesar Millan: see www.cesarmillaninc.com/tips/basics_dogsinnature.php.