The guy I like, and have known for three years, suffers from depression. He says he’s had feelings for me since the beginning, but he doesn't want anything serious right now.
We've both had short relationships within the time we've known each other, but the spark between us has always sort of been there.
I want to be serious with him.
He said he doesn't want to hurt me and shouldn't be in a relationship. Should I wait around, try my best to help him through this, and hope for the best? Or should I just listen to his words and move on?
A relationship can’t thrive on what only one person wants.
He’s been very clear, and also very fair. He cannot handle a serious relationship now. That’s why he’s only had short-term involvements.
He knows what he experiences through this depression and doesn’t want to bring you closer, knowing that his condition might cause him to hurt you in some way, such as through distancing, or rejection.
Stay friends if you can, but do NOT build expectations or false hopes. He needs to deal with his treatment – whether therapy alone or with medication.
The best “help” you can give him is to encourage he continues treatment, and avoid pursuing your own interests regarding him while ignoring his wishes.
I was a former pro athlete, for which I trained since childhood. I was wholly immersed in that life.
Injury forced me out almost twenty years ago. I know that career, that life, is over, but admit to being in denial about it on the inside.
I keep secretly thinking all I need is one good chance and it can all be restored.
My attempts to start a new career have been thwarted several times. I've been back to graduate school three times, and each time was interrupted by an international move (spouse's work), physical problems, and other limitations I’ve been unable to control or alter.
Now that I live in Quebec there is also a major problem with the language barrier, as far as work is concerned.
I've always worked and supported myself, but it has mostly been with entry level, physical jobs.
I've almost accepted that will be my life, since I enjoy physical labor, moving, being active.
But now pain and complications from my most recent surgery have left me with a significant risk of re-injury. I cannot do heavy lifting, bend, kneel, squat, stretch, run, or sit for longer than thirty minutes.
It eliminates the one satisfying thing I love - activity - and leaves me dependent for certain household chores.
No sports, no gardening, no yoga, no physical exertion at work.
Yes, I’m in therapy. Still forcing myself to socialize, volunteer, work.
But the sorrow just won't leave. I feel no hope for independence, financial stability, meaning, accomplishment, or a day without pain.
Living With Sadness
Stay with your therapy but also investigate some additional modes of positive thinking and mind calming such as meditation, breathing exercises, etc.
Hopefully, readers, some of them injured athletes with dashed hopes like yourself, will have some suggestions for you which I’ll publish.
Socializing with people you like, volunteering and working to feel some independent accomplishment at any level, will prevent allowing yourself to be isolated.
You need to stay mentally stimulated through conversation, reading, exploring new ideas… whatever holds your interest.
I look forward to receiving readers’ suggestions through firstname.lastname@example.org.
My brother isn’t allowing children at his wedding reception. We feel offended by this, as we don't trust anyone to watch our child. We never leave our kid with a babysitter.
We’ve told them we won't come.
It sounds like you both got the same stubbornness gene.
Just as you have a right to decide not to use a babysitter, he has a right to decide not to have children present at his wedding.
His isn’t an uncommon decision, nor is yours. Many people have found a workable solution to this, and so could you - if you’re both willing.
You could bring a trusted person (family member or close friend, not a hired babysitter) to be with your child and some toys, books, etc. in another room nearby where the reception’s being held.
You could periodically check on the child just steps away, and leave early.
If you want future sibling harmony, it’s worth considering.
Tip of the day:
A relationship can’t go forward on only one person’s push.