I’ve been dating a man I met online. We clicked right away.
In my profile, I’d said I was ready to take a chance on starting a relationship if the right person came along.
I thought that was pretty clear!
When we first talked online, he said he admired my courage to be open.
On our first date in person, he said he respected that I’d set standards for myself and wasn’t about to date everyone who asked.
Two months later, we’ve spent two nights a week going out and have had several “sleepovers” at his place, involving intimacy.
I was very comfortable with him, until the last time – just four days ago – when I accidentally saw a text on his phone, which he left beside me on the couch when he went to the washroom.
It was from a woman who left a sexually explicit message about their date two nights prior.
I was shocked, angry, sickened. When confronted, he said, “What did you expect… a proposal?”
I left, didn’t answer his texts, and have blocked him from my social media since.
Was I a fool to even think that anyone could be sincerely trying to build a relationship from the start?
Are the people who find true love online, just unusual exceptions?
You cannot be absolutely sure of anyone until you know them well enough… and that takes time, no matter whether you met online, at work, or by any other means.
You were clear in stating your intentions. But he only commented on what you said, he didn’t make similar statements.
It’s a subtle difference, but it was a clue from the start. He evaded.
The people who find true love online are lucky. There may also be other factors – e.g. a coincidence of both being ready for a relationship when they decide to go online, even before they connect with someone.
Your being “devastated” after only two months, reflects how high your expectations were, based mostly on what you wanted.
When you recover your normal self-confidence, try online dating again, but take it slow, and be strategic.
If you don’t get a clear sense of the other person’s intent, move on.
When you meet someone who, like you, is sincerely hoping to start a relationship, you’ll know it. THEN, it’s still necessary to take time to feel certain he’s the right person for you.
My mother-in-law is a cold person. She never offers to help with our kids, though she’s home all day only ten minutes away, while my husband and I work long hours.
She’ll act so nice to my children (ages six and eight) when she sees them, but never offers to walk them home from school and keep them till one of us gets home.
I have to drive the children a half-hour each way to my mother, before school starts. She feeds them breakfast and drives them to school on time.
It’s a big commitment of hers, rain or shine, whether feeling great or not, whereas my MIL has her husband who could help her (though he’s meek and says nothing).
Now that you’ve vented about her (which is fair enough), your husband may have some insights to help you understand his mother better. If not, just accept that this is who she is.
You and your children are fortunate to have this one very loving and giving mother/grandmother as role model and helper.
FEEDBACK Regarding expanding your social circle through online dating (May 11):
Reader – “I’m a long-time single, actually not interested in looking for a partner. But I AM passionate about animal advocacy - and, you'll laugh, elephants in particular.
“Because of groups of people with similar interests on Facebook, I have gradually met people all around the world - from a lot of people in my own Canadian province, to Kenya and Thailand.
“I’ve travelled to California and Kenya, one for a conference and the other to be with my loves - the wild elephants.
“I met the experts in “elephant sciences,” and am now actually consulted internationally for MY expertise.
“My life has completely changed from quiet retirement, to plans to actually spend most of it in Kenya with people who care as much as me.
“I’ve met potential partners and may one day find the “right” one. But whatever happens, I'm having a WONDERFUL life.”
Ellie – Delightful! Thanks for sharing.
Tip of the day:
Online dating should be handled positively but also strategically, if you’re seeking a relationship.