On my recent vacation I saw my sister's best friend's husband strolling while holding hands with a woman who’s not his wife.
Should I tell my sister? She’s very good friends with this man and he’s helped my sister out financially on several occasions, so I'm afraid that she might get defensive.
Do I tell her best friend directly? I thought about sending an anonymous email to her friend to avoid the awkward conversation.
If I do this, how soon should I send it or how long is too long to wait while I debate about it?
Unless you know who and what you witnessed, you’re playing with fire that could burn you, as well as this man’s family and your sister, too.
Was she his sister or other relative, or a long-time close friend?
You’d also need to know if he was supposed to be wherever you saw him “on business” or this destination was unknown to his wife.
To be more accurate in your “report,” you’d have to do some sleuthing… and if you’re wrong (or even if you’re right) you’ll look like a nosy, trouble-making snoop.
The most you can do is ask your sister some leading questions about the man… e.g. does he travel a lot? How are the couple doing?
Even then, you may be opening a conversation that comes back to bite you.
So if you feel you must proceed at all, do so with caution. Or, it’ll become more about you than him.
Since I started dating my boyfriend, it's been a constant battle between him and my family.
We like to spend time together, even lunchtime if we can. He adores my son. We have a great little family going and plan on marrying soon.
But my family’s constantly wanting my attention. I love them, but they’re drama-filled gossipers.
I don't care what other people do with their lives enough to gossip about them. I don't want to fill my life with negativity.
I don't like being around my family for long periods, and they can't stand that I'm not alone anymore.
I’ve been there for everyone when no one else was, and now I just want to focus on building my family with my boyfriend. We’re a package deal.
I shouldn't have to choose between them. But I’m afraid that's what will happen. How do I calm the waters?
Tugged by Family
Since you apparently spent time with your family when “alone,” dropping them when you have a boyfriend will deeply hurt them.
And, since they’re “drama-gossipers,” you’re creating a set-up for YOU to become the topic.
Tell them straight-up that you love this man, plan to marry him, and it’s natural you need a lot of time together. Also, they need to get to know him, too.
But do NOT isolate yourself from family.
And don’t let your boyfriend encourage you to do so.
It’s a too-common mistake. While early love is very compelling, life as a couple inevitably settles into routines and being together constantly can become stifling.
It’s unhealthy for a relationship to lose yourself in your partner. Instead, keep time for yourself alone, and time for others who care for you such as family and friends, no matter that they’re imperfect.
Be open with your family – say they can gossip all they want when you’re not around. But when together, you want to enjoy catching up on each other, along with some laughter and some love.
Commentary – “I’m 25, and a third-year medical student.
“I believe that many young people have unrealistic expectations of sexual experiences thanks to the pornography industry.
“Results: Girls with poor body image and low self-confidence, males with exaggerated fantasies of what sex, oral sex, etc. should feel/look/sound like.
“One of the first questions doctors ask males about erectile dysfunction (ED) is whether they have a morning erection.
“If no, it’s mostly physiological and can be treated with medications. However, young males’ lack of sex drive/ ability to sustain an erection is due to excessive porn-watching whereby they can’t keep an erection or ejaculate with intercourse/a condom due to excessive masturbation.
“Young couples need to learn that porn isn’t the gold standard of what a sexual experience should be.
“Also if you’re with someone, and something sexual isn't working, discuss it and try to figure out a solution rather than become an emotional and verbal abuser.”
Tip of the day:
Before considering reporting a “sighting” of infidelity, be sure you know exactly who/what you witnessed.