I’m 25, my ex-boyfriend’s 23. I’d see him randomly, so asked for his number and we dated for 18 months, even moved in together.
I have a son, now age three, who I’d get every other week, so we’d be a family.
But my baby daddy wanted to get back together. It made my ex super jealous. We took a break for a week, and he slept with some random chick, and me with my baby daddy – a horrible mistake which I confessed.
He said he loved me. We stayed together only till our two-year mark.
We’ve been apart one year. I message him, but he’ll only respond sometimes. We’d hang out, other times it wasn’t okay. Last month is the last time I saw him.
I said I’d come to his work if he didn’t state his intentions. He got angry, said he was done with me. So now I’m scared.
Do you think he loves me at all? Do you think he’ll contact me?
Uncertain and Scared
He may contact you, but he won’t stick around; it’s not the pattern of this relationship.
You’re a mom and old enough to face reality. You need to stand on your own, not sleep with just anyone who asks; have better expectations for yourself and your child.
Your only hope with this guy is a No Contact break of at least six months. Then, refuse to take him back unless he’s there for the long run.
Me and my man have been dating for five years; we’re early-50s, both divorced. He lives at home, treats me like a wife, expects a lot, but won’t commit.
Otherwise, he’s a good, hard-working man and loyal. I’ve told him that relationships move on and don’t stay stagnant.
My Next Steps?
See above. Unlike the young mother, you’re older, wiser, and can see clearly what you’ve got.
But, like her, you want to hear that your man will change. There’s no evidence of that, from what you’ve described.
If you want commitment, say so and end contact, explaining that you’ll no longer accept less.
If he wants a real partner, he’ll come back, but give it six months of seeing visible change before you believe him fully.
I’m almost 17 and feel like every girl in my school has lost their virginity except me. It's not because I haven't had the opportunity, it's because I'm scared to lose it.
I always planned on losing my virginity to someone I loved and cared about. I was even considering waiting 'till marriage. But with all this pressure from my friends, and boys, maybe I should lose my virginity just to get it over with.
Your instincts have been good so far, to want to save your first sexual experience for a partner whom you feel cares about you.
Letting pressure win out so that you “just get it over with” risks huge disappointment and worse.
It’s not like losing a tooth. You have to expose your body to someone, allow penetration even if there’s no warmth or sense of intimacy, for someone else’s pleasure. He’ll have sexual release (it’s easy for guys), you’ll have tension.
Then comes the aftermath, which may be okay, or just as easily could involve social media gossip, harm to your reputation, embarrassment, even harassment.
BUT, if you wait till you meet someone you like and with whom there’s mutual respect, you can have a lovely experience.
Stick with your good instincts.
FEEDBACK Regarding parental abandonment (Nov. 3):
Reader – “I left my children's father when they were nine, five, and three. His visits were sporadic and sparse, ending five years later. It was difficult raising three children on my own, but they had the security of my home, and one parenting style. My father and my three brothers were good adult male role models.
“My children all finished university and paid off their student loans. They’re independent, empathetic, engaged adults. We all have a good relationship.
“I used to wonder if one day one or all of them would search for their father. But they really don't care and would probably be embarrassed if he showed up.
“I have no idea why a man would end a relationship with his three wonderful children. He was an alcoholic, which might explain some of it, but I was too busy to care. It’s his loss.”
Tip of the day:
If you accept less than you want, you’ll get just that.