My husband and I cannot stand my best friend’s husband. They’ve been married for over 10 years and he’s one of these people that boasts about everything, lies, isn’t interested in anything about you, etc.  

We’ve stopped getting together as a group and have just left going out to the “girls.”

I think my friend suspects but never asks the question.

My husband absolutely refuses to go out with him again.

Do I just leave things the way they are or should I confront her?

- Tired

You’ve already solved the problem, so why create another. You don’t have to deal with him, yet you’re considering disturbing her life and your friendship by raising an issue she clearly hasn’t wanted to discuss. 

So he’s a jerk. It won’t change things for you to be a troublemaker.

And if your friend ever does ask “the question,” be honest but don’t be cruel. Try this: “The guys don’t have much in common, so we can have a much better time on our own without having to worry about them.”

I’m the grandfather of two, a boy of 12 and a girl of 14. 

I’ve never received a birthday card or a Christmas card from either of them. Yet I always send each of them a $100 bill for their birthday and Christmas.

Is this the norm nowadays where children only take?

- Fed Up

There are several “norms” of thoughtful, decent behaviour missing here, so I’ll start with your mistake as Bad Example A: Sending off substantial amounts of money to thoughtless grandchildren, displayed no sense of your role as an elder. You’re meant to be a model and guide to what’s expected within a family in terms of support, caring, acknowledgment. When you heard nothing from these youngsters, you needed to stop filling their pockets and think of their minds.  

Bad Example B: Parents who don’t monitor children’s responses to gifts, and who don’t alert their children to show interest in a grandparent, are failing to prepare their children to be sensitive and caring in relationships.

Bad Example C: The kids are inconsiderate, self-centered, and rude. But the best hope still lies with them because they can change. Send them cards instead of money, but communicate with them far more often, spend time with them and share your wisdom whenever possible.

Talk to their parents, and ask leading questions (without accusations) about how the children handle Christmas and birthdays, and what they think those same days mean to others.

My 12-year-old daughter stopped talking to me two years ago; I’d separated from her mother five years prior because I could no longer deny to myself that I’m gay. 

We tried to still be a “family” getting together often, but that stopped when I met my now-boyfriend and my ex-wife went ballistic. She’s embittered my child, who won’t answer my calls or see me.

What can I do?

- Devastated

Acknowledge your child’s dilemma, even if only to yourself: She’s caught in a conflict of loyalties and has chosen to prevent fights and difficulties with the parent where she lives. 

Show that you understand her choice, and love her. Write her letters - she may not receive all, but she’ll get some.

Do not urge her about meeting. Write of things that might interest her – a book you read, a movie you saw, something you hope to do with her in the future. Keep up this outreach regularly.

Eventually, she’ll want to re-connect, even if slowly.

I’m a high-school student looking for a summer job but I have no previous work experience or a driver’s license. 

I’ve posted ads on various Internet sites and answered ones, with no luck.

I’ve heard that most jobs come through connections, but the only connections I have are my parents and teachers.

Any suggestions?

- Seeking Experience

Start with your “connections” by having your teacher write you a character reference, and your parents tap their friends/neighbours for anyone needing summer help (think landscape work; garage cleanups, office filing, etc. 

Volunteering is a great way to build experience for your resume – think community centers, libraries, hospitals, and seniors’ homes.

See www.youth.gc.ca, and search by Province or Territory for more information on gaining experience, as well as on internships, co-operative education programs, and apprenticeships. Also you can find a publications entitled “Looking for a Job,” at http://youth.gc.ca/publications/pubstext/looking_e.pdf.