I’ve been in a one-year relationship with this woman and things have gone quite smoothly. We’re sort of the same person, have lots of interests together and always enjoy our time together.    
      But sometimes when we're trying to talk or decide something to do, I’m making all the decisions.     
      She’ll say, "I don't know." It’ll go back and forth and eventually I’ll choose a topic or activity and she’ll go along with it.     
      Yet I think she doesn't necessarily agree with everything. I ask if she’d rather do something else or if she didn't like it but she’ll always be okay with it.     
      However, when we’re in groups of people, she finds it much easier talking with other people. It eats away at me because I wish she could just converse that way with me.
      Sometimes I sense her affection for me isn’t as strong as before. Example: a weeklong party trip is coming up but I can’t get off work. She seems indifferent to the idea of me going or not.     
      Am I being way too paranoid, suspicious and smothering?
      - Worried

She’s aware of your judgment of her and it has made her less relaxed with you rather than in a crowd where people are chatting casually and without expectations.     
      You are not “the same person”- having similar interests is a good start for enjoying time together, but it’s clear that your level of intensity and concern about the relationship is pushing her away.    
      Back off; don’t worry about who says what or who makes the plans and don’t question her desire for the week away, even if you can’t go.    
      For you to stop scrutinizing her words and actions may be just what the relationship needs. If not, better to know and end it sooner instead of later.

My boyfriend of two years lives an hour-and-a-quarter from me; he’s having final divorce issues, resulting in us being “on hold" (his choice) for two months so far.     
      I’m growing resentful towards him. My feelings are changing for the worse. There’s been no real sexual relationship between us since we started our relationship. But I just can't bring myself to do anything about this.    
      We love each other, but it isn't enough. We’re both in our late 40s. I want to wait for him, but after so long already, I’m almost ready to end the relationship.
      - Frustrated

This “transition-time” relationship is already in its death throes. He’s absorbed in his divorce and that is fair enough, but he’s now imposed a “separation” before you two have even started to confirm a mutual, long-term commitment.     
      (Just saying the “love” word doesn’t make it loving, nor offer certainty about the future).    
      Whatever the reason for the “no-sex” rule, you no longer believe in it. Don’t just accept his conditions – end it. Time will tell whether he actually completes his divorce and wants to re-connect, or not.

I’ve had a two-year involvement with a guy who won’t admit we’re together, though our friends know it. He feels that being “official” is just a useless title. He feels we should focus on school/career before worrying about relationships.     
      He doesn’t put enough priority on romance. But I don’t want to just be friends.
      - Confused

Read his lips not your own imagination. He’s not ready for romance, or labels. You’re his Gal Pal, with benefits. If it’s not enough for you, move on - or you’re a set-up for disappointment and hurt if he does. And he might.

FEEDBACK Here’s a reader’s response to the 'In Turmoil' column, February 20, a woman who had been involved with a married man who also had a girlfriend:       
      Reader – “Any woman who’s tolerated a man with both a wife and another girlfriend, doesn’t have the best self esteem.      
      “It’d be easy for such a woman to (again) try to find happiness with the first man to come along. I believe it’d benefit 'In Turmoil' to spend some time re-evaluating what she really wants from life, pursuing some hobbies or interests, and developing some friendships.     
      “Counselling would probably be valuable in this journey of self-discovery. Only then, and only if the absolute best man in the world for her comes along, should she consider developing a new romantic relationship.”
      Answer - If such a woman first decides to free herself from the demeaning relationship; it’s the crucial empowering action that can bolster both self-esteem and seeking personal fulfillment.