I married a younger man who loved porn, sex-ting, and lying. We divorced after I discovered that he was visiting escorts after our second year of marriage.
During the divorce period, he was seeing a co-worker. He played us both - he’d return to me, and then go to her.
After two years, he "came back." But I soon realized he continued sex-texting his female co-workers.
Yet he always convinced me that he’d change.
Meanwhile, I was paying for food, expenses, and he lived in my house for free, though he has his own condo.
He also detests my relationship with my family and shows no caring for them.
Suddenly, he stopped having intimacy with me. He even dresses privately; I haven’t seen his body for two years.
Then I found porn again last year, followed by many lunch dates with his female co-workers. For a few months there’d be gifts for me, help with chores, and he booked expensive trips.
After I said that I couldn’t handle the lack of intimacy, transparency, and honesty, he just ignored me and said that I was just suspicious.
This pattern of lying, cheating, and denying is killing me. I asked him to leave but he won't because he knows that I don't want to involve the police.
He’ll also say that I own this expensive house, which was settled in my divorce with him, but I didn’t pay him enough so he’s not leaving.
I don't know what to do.
See your divorce lawyer again. This has become an ugly endurance test, not a marriage worth keeping.
He lies and cheats because he gets away with it. He shows no love or respect for you, yet you don’t take serious steps to separate.
Secure whatever you legally can of your assets, and focus on your own life and future. There’s no happiness mind or future for you with this man.
I'm getting married soon and we invited my fiancé’s long-time golfing buddy and his wife.
The invitation was addressed only to the couple.
We purposely didn't specify "no children" in the invitations because most of my family’s coming from Europe and I don't expect people to leave kids with a sitter when in another country.
All of my family and friends have done me the courtesy of asking about children and many will be bringing one or two. Local people opted to get a babysitter.
My fiancé’s buddy, however, assumed he could bring his five young children without even asking.
They live close and he has an older child who could babysit.
Our budget’s tight, the venue’s small, and we both have large families, so I politely responded that we can't accommodate all the kids.
I'm now told that he'll have to come alone, leaving his wife with the kids.
It’s made for an awkward social situation and causing me anxiety.
Did I do something wrong? I don't have any kids so have no idea. I'm hoping I didn't come across as cold or unreasonably unaccommodating.
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
He should’ve asked, not assumed. But since you already have children coming, you could’ve made this one exception.
It’s not easy to find a sitter for five children, and the older child would have to be of legal age and very responsible to look after four siblings.
Call and invite them. Accommodate your husband’s close buddy. It’s good for their relationship, and for yours, too.
My sister and I are trying to repair our broken relationship. Years ago I distanced from family because of accusations from one sibling of me being unkind and hateful.
No one defended me.
Two years ago, I was considering reconciling but wasn’t allowed. My sister was instrumental in excluding me.
She’s since shown some interest, but I'm very wary. She wants all meetings on her terms. She says she has “the power” to re-instate me - because my Dad won’t see me unless I'm with her. (We’re both in our 50s).
My family seems to follow her lead. Friendly from a distance makes the most sense to me, i.e. occasional email contact. How should I proceed?
Go to a first meeting on “her terms.” If you’re treated badly or harangued, cut to what’s required for occasional email contact with family members to be accepted.
Once that’s started, decide whether you’d be comfortable with more connection.
Tip of the day:
A serial cheater carries on until his/her partner firmly, legally, says, it’s over.