I’m in love with my boyfriend of seven months; we were friends beforehand. 

Previously, I was living with my then-boyfriend for two years. We’d lost love and respect for one another. My ex smoked marijuana daily, which created a big financial strain. Yet I still miss him and wonder whether we really tried to make things work. Then I remember how relieved I felt after the split.

My current boyfriend and I have plans for a future together. However, I’m confused about my ex and don’t know if I should try and rekindle what we might still have.

- Confused

WHY? That’s the question you need to ponder in a serious, honest, self-analytical way. 

WHY would you give up love and stability to return to a difficult, stressful relationship with someone you don’t respect? Some possible answers: You grew up with drama in your life and get restless when it’s missing; you’re attracted to “bad boys” so you can play The Rescuer; you have low self-esteem and feel you don’t deserve better than a pothead.

If any of these or other unhealthy explanations fit, run… right to a therapist’s door, and ask for help in changing your pattern and priorities.

I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy I only knew for two weeks, on a vacation. We felt an immediate connection and passion, and were together constantly. 

Two months later, he’s coming to visit and I’m scared. We’re both early-30s, and I’m not sure I should be settling for a drawn-out romance by email and phone, until one of us agrees to move to the other.

What’s the likelihood of this lasting, and am I wasting my time?

- Two Cities

Your guy isn’t wasting his time: his visit will reveal a lot about you. 

You should also visit him soon… meet his friends, family, see how he lives, etc. The connection may then be even stronger, or you’ll realize it was just a holiday fantasy.

We need to encourage/convince an elderly parent to help her de-clutter and minimize the risks in her home. 

Mom shares her home with her grandson, who tries to help, but she’s difficult to reason with about her “stuff” and insists on attending to her own “stuff control.”

However, because of her faith and religious practices, she burns candles in prayer ritual. She’s been widowed 20 years, and naturally clings to all she and dad shared together.

When our son cleans, she’ll go through the bags and retrieve whatever she believes still has value.

I’m considering meeting with her parish priest in hopes she’ll be convinced that ritual candle burning is best done in the church. But frankly, it’s an embarrassing idea.

- Helplessly Hoping

It’s NEVER embarrassing to protect a loved one, and your mother needs protection. 

The parish priest can be your best ally, so don’t hesitate to ask for help or minimize your concerns. There may even be church volunteers who’ll come out and do ritual prayers with her at home – and be mindful of the candles – if she insists on continuing.

Also, some local firefighters have community representatives who’ll go to your mom’s home and point out the dangers of her clutter.

Consider, too, a family project, whereby you (and other close relatives, if possible) help your son by arriving with see-through storage boxes and labels, organize Mom’s “valuable” stuff at her direction, encourage donations to the church of less valuable stuff, and whisk away whatever you can.

A co-worker’s been rude repeatedly. Recently, she refuted my instructions to suppliers. I later helped her - with no thanks or apologies. 

Her manager says she lacks self-confidence and tact.

I reinforced a company process she’d ignored. She called me a liar, before other colleagues.

Human Resources said I should ask what originally caused her rudeness, and we can both apologize. I agreed. But her boss simply assured it wouldn’t happen again.

I can’t let it rest, or should I?

- Outraged

Drop it. She has some support, so you either have to take this further – and possibly annoy senior bosses for not being able to handle this – or quit. 

Maybe she doesn’t like you; maybe she’s intimidated by you. Unless she opens up to you (unlikely), you’re best to show cool leadership by rising above these incidents and staying out of her way, as much as possible.