I’m a single woman who always bumps into this ring-less guy on the same train after work.
We seem interested in each other, judging by how we look at each other throughout the ride.
This has gone on for more than six months, but neither of us has made any moves.
I want to ask him out, but how can I do that without being seemingly creepy? Especially when I don't even know whether he really is interested or what his status is?
You can be sure of nothing but your own interest, based on an undefined attraction.
Yes, he may find it creepy, or he may be delighted if he’s shy and wondering the same about you.
OR, he is already attached, hates rings, and likes to appear single so he can play around.
So it’s up to you. If you’re a self-confident person, and not easily fooled or vulnerable, then start a casual conversation with him, but make no dates to meet.
At your next train encounter, chat more, and then ask directly if he’s single.
If you can’t bring yourself to do that, you’re not the right temperament for this necessary exercise of finding out if he’s a man you can date.
If so, take a train that leaves earlier or later.
I'm really frustrated about two of my great friends, A and B, as I'm crushing on both of them.
However, A is a bit more responsive when I talk to him. He voluntarily sits down and talks with me occasionally.
B is more relaxed, waiting for me to just do something.
I'm scared that telling either one of them that I like them will annoy or even disgust them. What should I do?
Do nothing. Just because they’re great friends with you doesn’t mean they want you to choose between them as boyfriend material, especially since neither has asked.
The fact that A sits down and talks to you is still only on the level of friendship.
As for B, you really have no idea whether it’s a case of “waiting” for you to do something, or he’s happy with being just friends.
Do NOT tell either of them of your crush (es). It can end up very embarrassing for you.
Enjoy the friendships, they’re often more valuable and lasting than a relationship you weren’t even sure about.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who wants to leave her husband from whom she has endured abuse of all kinds (Feb. 15):
Reader – “She writes, "He won’t understand and will do everything possible to keep me from leaving."
“She may be at terrible risk. As you know, women are most at risk from abusive partners when they are preparing to leave.
“She says things have been peaceful for some time, but this could change as soon as he knows she is leaving.”
Ellie – Anyone, male or female, who knows they must leave a dangerous situation because of an abuser, needs to make a plan for safe departure and where to stay with some protections.
But obviously, time can be of the essence in these cases, so it’s wise to call a local crisis phone line ahead, most of which are accessible 24-7 and can be found online through a quick Google search.
Trained personnel can advise where there are shelters immediately available, and which community agencies help with longer-term accommodation, clothing, job-training, etc.
If the person fears violence at the time of leaving, the police should be asked for help.
FEEDBACK Regarding husbands whose wives suddenly no longer want sex:
Reader – “In some cases, women may suffer a uterine prolapse, but don’t always know what it is.
“Explanation - The uterine walls collapse and form a hard fist-sized ball that "falls" down and out of the vagina.
“It can be pushed up somewhat but usually descends with each bowel movement and even when walking!
“It’s very embarrassing, stressful, may cause incontinence, and blocks vaginal entry.
“Solutions - A pessary (a removable device placed into the vagina and supports areas of pelvic organ prolapse) may move it up.
“Surgery may push it up to former position (to help support other organs) and then sew it in place.”
Ellie – Women with these symptoms should see their doctor immediately. ALL women, even without symptoms, should strengthen their pelvic floor muscles through regular Kegel exercises which also make sex more stimulating for both partners.
Tip of the day:
Talking up a stranger calls for being very cautious as well as confident.