He tells me he loves me every day; he phones and texts multiple times daily. He's extremely romantic, tender, and loving. He wants to satisfy me sexually. He values my opinion, and encourages me when I have doubts. He gives his opinions when I need to make a decision. He's helpful with chores. We share great affection, wonderful sex, and respect.
We met 20 years ago. Our relationship lasted for seven years. But we were married to other people. I couldn't take getting only the remnants of his life. Although my marriage wasn't great, it didn't warrant hurting my husband and family to make myself happy.
My lover was just as loving and respectful of his wife and family as he was with me. I knew he was somewhat romantic with his wife because I'd seen it, on outings that he attended with her. He continued to have sex with her because, he said, a drastic change would look suspicious. We took all precautions not to hurt anyone.
I sometimes accepted to have sex with my husband, because he deserved it. I never contacted my lover after I ended our affair.
Now, 25 years later, we never forgot each other. Two years ago, I was able to reach him again. I'm 71. He's 75. My husband is in a long-term care facility, suffering from Alzheimer's. My lover has some health problems but is still fit, and good-looking. His wife also has health problems and still lives with him. I had cancer, but am well and still attractive.
When we saw each other, although I only wanted to know how his life and family had been, there was this extreme attraction. I didn't think it was possible at our age.... even the sex.
He'd never hurt his wife, family, grandchildren. I still only see him twice a week; we talk numerous times per day. We're trying to take from life the little happiness that's left. I do miss having someone to share breakfast, watching TV, etc.
I visit my husband every day for several hours.
I believe that I've been a good person. My lover is a good person. We deserve each other, yet it's not possible, or is it?
Would your readers condemn us or encourage us to continue?
You've both never gone public with this affair, to avoid the judgment you now are so curious about. So let's hear the response:
Dear Readers: Does the fact that this affair was so strong, justify it in the past? Or now, when it's been revived?
Was this couple wrong to stay in their marriages, despite having such great passion for each other... or was this a great passion because it was an affair? Write me.
I've been married for 20 years and don't have sex as frequently as I'd like. Recently I purchased a sex toy for masturbating and have hidden it from my wife. Is this cheating? It feels great, but emotionally I worry about my wife finding out.
Since you feel you have to be sneaky about using this sex toy, it's clear you believe your wife will disapprove or be hurt. So the real issue is about being open about the "frequency" matter.
Discuss this with her... and consider together, are you being unreasonable in your demands, or is she withholding sex? Raise the possibility of you using a sex aid for release, and, if she opposes it, try to find a compromise on how to both feel good about your sex life.
My "bride" went crazy furnishing our apartment, and then she wanted a house. I'm working two jobs to pay the mortgage, she's working to buy drapes and carpets, there's a baby coming, and I keep hearing about all the stuff we'll need then.
The girl I loved is too busy/tired for being with me. This is why the divorce rate's so high!
Wrong. The reason the divorce rate is so high is that couples like you go off in different directions and one or the other gets bitter instead of pro-active in changing the dynamic.
Get couples' counseling together - soon, before the baby arrives and there's even less time together. And get financial guidance to budget together for what you can afford. If you don't try to find agreed goals instead of unrealistic expectations on both sides, you will divorce... but it'll be a cop-out if you give up too soon.
Tip of the day:
The reality of an affair, no matter how wonderful, is that it risks hurting others you care about.