I’m 31, my girlfriend of 16 months is 23, we’ve been living together eight months after a fantastic long distance relationship.
When she graduated, she found a job in my city and moved in. Things changed: she complained about my house, the area, city living. She was raised in the country. We’ve been fighting constantly.
I believe her negativity is because she misses home (the country), left all her friends and family behind, and feels guilty. She says we need to move to a city where we’re equidistant from our friends and family, to create equality in the relationship (she’s 2 hours from her family; I’m 20 minutes from mine).
I recently suggested we live separately; she didn’t take that so well and now is finding a place of her own.
I love her, but believe we rushed living together too fast. Is taking a step back and assessing this relationship a good choice?

- Coming Apart

Too fast, and too much about what you think.
You consider all her feelings as “negativity,” rather than a legitimate request for compromise. Two hours versus 20 minutes isn’t the issue, here… it’s the fact that the relationship isn’t equal.
She’s been sending signals that living together revolves around all your choices and none of hers.
If you do get back together, it’ll only work if you consider her as a partner, not a guest in your city or home.

I’m 42, divorced and dating/living with a man 12 years my junior for five years, on and off.
He’s moved out numerous times, usually without warning or reason, though sometimes after an argument. He’d just pack his belongings and his mother or her boyfriend would pick him up.
I love him and he says he loves me too. Currently, I see him maybe once or twice a week.
He’s proposed marriage, and then acts as if it was never said. I don’t know if it’s him or his family putting things in his head.
His mother and grandmother have made several negative comments about marriage. They’re both divorced and with their boyfriends for 25 years. Yet his family tells me he’s cried to them that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me.
Is it worth waiting?

- Confused

If it’s a wedding you’re waiting for, think again. The concept doesn’t seem to go over with this family, and your guy also seems to be struggling against it.
If you love him and want a steadier relationship, drop the pressure and carry on without expectations of marriage.
But if you feel insecure about him, and the contact remains this infrequent, you’ll need to look elsewhere for a full-time companion. He’s not ready.

My wife and I started off lustily (she was married when we met) but 15 years later we’re in separate bedrooms because I snore, and having sex only once a month. When I try to initiate more, she says she’s tired, or can’t be bothered.
We’re both mid-50s. What should I do?

- Frustrated

Face the consequences of open and honest (but caring) confrontation. It could lead to a flat-out refusal, even a break-up; or it could move you both toward a satisfying compromise.
Speak up: state the emotional importance of sex for both (bonding, greater intimacy, reassurance of love). Suggest medical checkups to rule out any health factors, sexual counselling if there’s an emotional problem, and treatment for your snoring.
This is a couples’ problem, not just yours or hers.

I’m 30, a single mom of three girls, trying to get into policing; I have no help from my ex.
I’m stuck doing security in a male-dominated area (discrimination against women in the workplace is visible daily). I don’t have benefits at my part-time job, and my bills are mounting. I see little hope ahead.
I try to set a good example for my kids, to want more out of life, but everything I’ve tried has failed.

- Wit’s End

You’ve succeeded at keeping your family together on your own, stayed independent, kept a job, been a model for your daughters... all far from failing!
Keep your eye on your goals, but also take credit for the present. As the kids get further in school, you’ll be able to put more energy and time into workshops/courses that add to your credentials.
Meanwhile, your persistence boosts your resume in a field that demands it.