My husband of eight weeks lies about drinking, and it's wrecking our marriage.
In the last week alone, I’ve discovered that he’s gone home with an acquaintance and tried to kiss her, and lied about being at work.
Both situations were to facilitate drinking.
He’d promised to change and get help only two days before the latest instance.
I said then that I’d leave if he ever did it again.
Now that moment has arrived, but I don't know what to do.
I want our five-month-old son to grow up happy, but I'm not sure that means staying with his father.
The trust in our relationship is gone.
Leave My Marriage?
Alcohol addiction is a trust-thief, a relationship-buster, and a nightmare in the lives of children and other close relatives.
Leaving your husband this soon, this shockingly, may be the best way to get him to help toward sobriety.
Alcoholics don’t respond to threats; the addiction’s too strong. But they do sometimes change when their supports are taken away, and they face the dark side of reality.
Unless a deep-seated fear of marriage suddenly caused this reaction, you must’ve put up with his drunken behaviour in the past.
You likely married for the sake of your son.
And it’s for his sake, and your life too, that you need to make a strong, tough decision.
Attend an Al-Anon meeting and learn what others who live with alcoholics experience, and what helps them cope.
If you still believe you can’t accept this lifestyle, get to a lawyer.
There’s a lot to handle regarding support and visitation/custody issues, but better to deal with it right away.
Hopefully, your husband will see the impact of his addiction, and get to Alcoholics’ Anonymous or another drinking-cessation program with determination.
Meanwhile, stay close to those among family, friends, and advisors whom you do trust.
During my six-year relationship with the man I was to marry soon, I've noticed his anger issues, and that he’s always saying he’s stressed.
Several times when we argued, he left. We lived together on and off for five years.
He blames me for issues, and other people for all his misfortunes and problems in life. His kids and grandkids live elsewhere.
He was unfaithful to me three years ago with a younger woman neighbour.
I forgave him and he moved back with me.
Recently, he had my ex-daughter-in-law work with him painting/cleaning houses.
My son wanted her to work, but when she left my son again, I told my fiancé she can't work with him anymore.
He then secretly asked her to work for him.
My son and I were very upset. He said he did no wrong, though my family disagrees.
I can't trust him. He cheats and lies. He says he loves me but has been drinking a lot and distant.
Do I say goodbye to this stress and drama? I love him but he has no respect for me, my son, my grandkids, or himself.
What’s Wrong With Me?
HE is what’s wrong.
You lack self-confidence, but you can change that. He’s unlikely to change.
Issuing a “shape-up or ship-out” order may be the best thing to boost your self-respect.
He’s a man who’s stressed, angry, blames you, cheats, lies, disrespects your wishes.
What’s to love?
Marrying him will only guarantee a lifetime of more of this.
You’ve taken the first step by putting all this truth in an email.
Cancel the wedding.
My partner of eight years and I had ups and downs with my irrational behaviour, eventually diagnosed as bi-polar disorder.
I’ve since quit drinking, and maintain a strict medical routine to keep me on track.
However, my boyfriend withholds love and affection, which I want so badly, saying I’m too needy.
He’s stopped kissing/cuddling me, and puts me down.
I know that cheating’s occurred but he won't admit it.
I love him, so want insight into what you think the problem might be. I’ve given him the opportunity to end the relationship, but he tells me to do what I think is best for me.
“Do what’s best for you,” is the set-up line to making a break-up appear as the other person’s doing and fault.
Your partner’s already good at playing it both ways. He stays with you, cheats, withholds affection, and then blames you as “needy.”
You’ve succeeded in a new healthy regime. He hasn’t.
Tip of the day:
When someone’s making you feel bad about yourself and your life, ask, what’s to love here?