I was 20; she was 21. 

I was suburban; she was inner city.

We clicked huge; LOVE. Moved in together.

Then I became a jealous SOB (really bad). I was immature. We ended because of me.

I think about her all the time.

I live on the west coast now but I know that I do still love her. I want to show her what’s changed (I’m now a successful trader) and I now know that women need to have friends, men and women.

I’ve not tried to locate her in the last 10 years. I was so insecure because I came from a broken home and it took all of the hurt in my life to realize it.

I want her to know that I’ve lived a decade growing up while loving her and never forgetting her.

Do I let it go or keep hope in my heart?

- Optimistic

You have nothing to lose, and she has something to gain, if you write her (not phone). 

She may be happily married today, she may not respond, but anyone who once lived with a jealous SOB deserves an apology.

That’s an important first step for you, too, since it opens the door to tell her that you believe you’ve matured in many ways. Write that you think of her often, and, if she were available to meet you, you would love to see her again.

Do NOT push the possibility of re-connecting. You’ve changed; so has she.

If you agree to have more contact, get to know each other in the present rather than as a memory from the past.

My husband of three years has lost his sex drive. 

We had a baby a year ago.

Now, I’m always initiating.

My parents take our daughter over-night once monthly for us to be alone.

My husband says he’s not used to having sex with the baby in our apartment, but sometimes, he’s still not into it.

He’s not sure why he doesn’t want it as much any more.

I said he should get checked to ensure it’s not a physical thing because he takes several medications, which could affect his sex drive, but he doesn’t think that’s it.

He says he loves me, and he’ll work on it. I don’t see much effort.

It kills my mood when I feel he’s doing it only because I want it.

- Frustrated

Your Hubby’s using avoidance tactics; if he were concerned about his sex drive (as most men would be), he’d be running to check his health and side effects of medications.

So counselling is the next route, though he may avoid that too.

If so, go yourself, and probe with a psychotherapist how the new baby’s arrival has affected each of you – emotionally, physically, financially, etc.

Some new fathers have their own type of “post-partum” reaction, with deep-seated insecurity around being responsible for a child.

He needs your understanding (which you can get through talking to a professional), and then encouragement to deal with the issue himself.

My boyfriend’s culture supports the parent generation, even if they have enough money. 

We’re both in debt, yet he uses our joint account to send his parents on vacations while we can’t afford one.

- Furious

Deal or no deal. A parental-support arrangement must be mutually agreed; otherwise, separate your finances. 

If he persists in putting your life together second to an obligation he can’t afford, you’ll likely “separate” in more ways.

My son, 36, keeps returning home. He’s never married; doesn’t work at nine-to-five jobs (he’s doing security work, weekend evenings) and spends inordinate time gambling on-line. 

I’d have to call the police to have him removed. But then, any relationship we have would be finished.

I know I’m enabling him but am at a loss.

He had a traumatic childhood - kidnapped by his father at age 4 and didn’t see me for 18 months; no contact with his father for years.

He inherited his father’s volatile temper and I can’t handle screaming matches.

- Desperate Mom

Change your locks. But first pay first and last month’s rent for an apartment, move his things there and commit to meeting him for dinner once weekly and accompanying him to a therapist’s office. 

Offer the security of knowing you’re interested and available within set times, but put firm boundaries up against constant dependency.