Our daughter, 26, moved back home after working overseas for several years. She's brought back her boyfriend who's originally from another city. They plan to marry next year. Originally, they'd said that said they'd find their own place soon.

Meanwhile, it's eight months since they arrived and they're still here. They sleep late (both looking for work, so no set routine yet), eat after I've cleaned up from meals with my husband, and leave dishes around, saying, "We'll do them later."

They're much too comfortable with everything provided... food, laundry facilities, even an available car because I work from home.

They're very good company to be around, and I love them dearly, but I want my house and privacy back! How do I get them to find their own place soon, without making them feel pushed out?

Unwilling Host

Set a deadline. If you can afford it, offer first and last month's rent (you're already spending money on them at home, in food, gas, and extras). And encourage their taking any jobs, initially.

You may even accompany them to look at places, but be positive without being pushy. They want their privacy too, so try to move this along to a reasonable date - say, two months' time - without coming to a showdown.

However, if they resist too much, be clear about boundaries and a cut-off date, even if it creates a mild chill... they'll get over it, once they realize the luxury of being on their own again.

I'm in my mid-20s, and I've been single my whole life. I've gone on a few dates, but they never turned into anything more. I'd like to meet someone, but I'm rather shy. I don't have trouble making friends, but I do have trouble meeting people to date.

I'm not sure where, or how, to meet and even if I do meet someone I'd like to get to know, I never know what to do next. I've tried meeting people through mutual friends or through shared activities, but that hasn't worked.

A lot of my friends are in the same boat or don't have many single male friends. The activities that I participate in are primarily attended by other girls as well, so haven't really led anywhere.

I'm not currently in school and am working, but I work primarily with other females. I'd prefer to meet someone without trying online dating, just because I feel more comfortable meeting others through friends or in person.

On the Shelf

You're not "on the shelf," just in a new phase of adult life... and it's a common one, whereby meeting people to date becomes a more selective process.

That's a good thing, not something to feel as a burden or failing. It means that you need to learn to have good times and good friendships no matter with females, married people, or "just friends," without only worrying where they'll "lead."

People (in this case, meaning men) are attracted to someone who's NOT looking, who's outgoing, upbeat, ready to try new things.

Join an activity you've never done before, go on a vacation where there are likely to be singles of both genders, join a singles' dinner club. But don't look around for The One, look only to have fun and widen your circle. Be open with older couples, women, etc., that you're willing to be set-up with someone they know.

Things will happen, in time, if you bump up the possibilities without worrying and waiting.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose mother-in-law is a hoarder (Oct. 21):

Reader - "With all due respect, what makes you think telling a hoarder to clean up is going to change anything? How can the writer, herself, cope with this situation?  But I really meant, "with all due respect"! I enjoy reading your column and wouldn't want your job for anything!"

I understand the dilemma with the topic of "hoarding"... it's a mental illness few of us understand.

But the daughter-in-law needed a starting point, so I recommended she urge her husband to try to "hook" his mother to acknowledge the problem, through his concern for her well-being and safety.

More important, I suggested they take her for a medical check-up that would include her mental health.

People want clarity in viewing a problem that's emotional. Then they usually can handle it themselves. My job's to encourage using their own resources.