My wife's a shopaholic, and it's ruining our relationship. It's not just about the money she's wasting but about the excess spending on things we/she doesn't use or we/she already have.
She has ten times the amounts of the lotions she likes, over 50 pairs of shoes still in their boxes, plus scores of shoes in every heel height, and colour, and over 100 scarves. She buys linens "on sale" for bed sizes we don't own, and "back-up" sets of china that she's never unpacked.
When I mention the excess, she screams that I'm trying to control her, and that she earns as much as I do, so it's none of my business.
But I say we could be pooling our money for more and better vacations or fixing up the house! I know divorce is also very expensive, but this situation is causing me enough stress to consider it.
Talk to a lawyer to learn the costs of splitting up, and property and asset division, then discuss this openly with her.
Point out that her good income would eventually have to pay for all her needs, not just personal items, or impulse buying, since she'd be unlikely to be granted financial support from you.
Then say you'd rather be enjoying time together in your own home, and on vacations, but you've lost her to this obsession. Ask her to get therapy from a behavior modification expert.
Be prepared that if she's trying to fill "a black hole" of need due to something missing in your relationship, you'll need to go to marital counseling with her.
My son's Kindergarten teacher called me to say I needed to come to the school and discuss a "problem." I thought there must be something terribly wrong.
When I got there, all she could say was that my son gets restless in class. I know he's on the go all the time, and needs diversion to something quiet, or a healthy snack, to keep him from random restlessness.
Also, he's a five-year-old boy, and I know it's common for boys that age to have less self-control for sitting still than similar-age girls.
I tried to tell her this, but she said she hasn't got time to cater to my child; I must take him to the doctor for Ritalin to control his hyperactivity, which she's already diagnosed as Attention Deficit Disorder.
What can I do short of taking him out of this school and hoping I find a more flexible teacher elsewhere?
For a start, try to work with this teacher. It's true that her time for individual "catering" is limited, but you'll do better by trying to approach her as two adults on the same team in trying to have the classroom be a good learning environment for all the children.
Say that you'll check with your child's doctor, but you cannot accept a diagnosis without testing and medical opinion, and even if he does have ADD you wouldn't automatically go to drug treatment. It's something that requires research and finding the appropriate approach for your son.
Make sure your son has a good breakfast and send a healthy snack for him to have at recess.
Think of a quiet activity he likes - reading, drawing, and a puzzle - and ask the teacher to offer this diversion when possible, when he's restless. It's not meant as a punishment but as a way of keeping him from distracting others.
My longtime friend withdrew from me years ago after a misunderstanding. I was never given a chance to explain, my calls weren't returned. Now she's ill and in difficulties and seems to have purposefully bumped into me in my neighbourhood.
She said she'd missed me and hoped we could resume the friendship. I was very hurt when she'd just dumped me. Should I risk letting her hurt me again?
Decide whether the friendship had value that could be renewed... e.g. is she good company; do you still have much in common?
If yes, give her a second chance, because her illness and difficulties have apparently helped her realize what a good friend she had in you.
However, take time to re-build closeness and trust to share confidences. If she turns out to be leaning on you and pulls away later, it won't be the same huge loss as before.
Tip of the day:
Shopaholics have a compulsion that requires professional therapy, IF they accept the need for change.