I recently re-connected with a woman I’d known briefly eight years ago.
Our sons are now on the same baseball team.
She’d separated from her husband a few years ago.
She talked to my husband a little and he told her he’s into hiking. She started emailing him, after phoning him once first.
I’d given her his number as back up, if her son needed a lift.
My husband never mentioned that she’d phoned. But he recently told me that she’s emailed him several times – asking if she could join him on his hikes.
I was taken aback. She’s not mentioned this to me.
He says he answered that he likes to be on his own, but mentioned a hiking club she could join.
I trust him, but I now don’t know if I can trust her. Do I say nothing because she’s on her own and probably lonely? Or distance myself?
Firm up an understanding between you and your husband. Say that he handled it correctly and you appreciate this.
Add that, since this woman hasn’t been a recent close friend of both of you, it was somewhat aggressive of her to call and email him without telling you.
Be pleasant with this woman but somewhat distant… unless you come to trust her over time.
I'm 22, a college graduate trying to find a job within the communications field. I live with my parents but intend to move to a big city and start a new life.
All my friends moved out of our hometown.
Currently, I spend the majority of my time with my boyfriend of six months.
He owns his own business here and has two children so isn’t able to move away soon.
He's known that I've always wanted to move away and start a career.
My sister in Boston wants me to move in with her, and my family’s encouraging it.
However, she always tells me what to do and we don’t get along.
My friends and family think my boyfriend’s holding me back. They think I could do better.
Should I move with my sister and leave my boyfriend behind?
He’d be crushed, but I said I'd never choose a man over my career. What if I can’t find a job immediately?
Deadline to Choose
Cut through all that anxiety and address each choice separately.
You don’t have to “give up” your boyfriend, but it’s a good time to pursue a career. Also, to improve your potential to support yourself, and achieve some of your goals.
Ask your family if they can continue to support you for six months while living away and seeking a job.
That way your sister can’t complain about the costs of your living with her until you find work.
Do targeted research about the communications field in Boston, and send your resume off to several companies in direct or related fields.
Say the date that you’ll be available for interviews soon, and hit the ground running when you arrive in that city.
Meanwhile, keep contact with your boyfriend through Skype, text, phone, etc. You’ll need his support. He’s busy with work and kids and can handle the separation.
Once you get a job, look for your own affordable accommodation. Hopefully, your boyfriend can visit you sometimes.
You may not be currently ready for long-term commitment to this man.
But if you are, you’ll both have to make adjustments rather than you having to give up your career goal.
Commentary Recently, my grandson told us he is gay. He’s 22, finished school, out on his own.
We’re extremely close with him, as are his mother and step-father.
When asked why he hadn’t told us this before, he said that his step-father had once made a joke about gays at a family reunion and we all chuckled.
I remember that I did chuckle even though I was uncomfortable with the joke.
Apparently, that led him to believe that we’d disapprove, although he never heard any close family members ever say anything demeaning about gay people.
So, he simply decided to tell everyone when he was finished school, and had the confidence to deal with it as an independent adult.
My husband and I hugged him and were so proud of his honesty and the pride and dignity in how he handled telling people.
Ellie – Everyone has to feel that revealing personal truths will be accepted.
Tip of the day:
A single woman friend shouldn’t contact your husband to meet, without your knowledge.