Dear Readers - I know about verbal and emotional abuse from personal experience when young, as well as from my work. In some cases, such abuse is overt, and constant, and the person targeted needs to leave the relationship, no matter the losses.

Sometimes, other factors - children, dependency, or even feelings of mutual love despite the abuse - create indecision.

Consider the Feb. 1 dilemma of a woman, in her late-20s, who described her boyfriend of ten years as both rigid and loving, a criticizing perfectionist who yelled at her, yet supported her in other emotional ways.

She described their mutual love, admitted she herself didn't fight fair and was often irresponsible. I suggested counselling could help her work with him on the marriage to give it another chance, with an outside deadline of one year.

Some of you disagreed. But not everyone can "Run, immediately." She needed confidence to make her decision.

However, with no children involved, and considering that her boyfriend's behaviour could worsen (as some of you experienced), I urge she get that counselling now. She needs a credible commitment from him that they'll change their current unhealthy relationship.... OR she leaves. And she must be prepared to do so.

Some of your thoughts:

Reader Response - "As a wife who left a verbally abusive husband I can say, while you're trying to make things work, they continue to find things to verbally beat you up for. This creates low self-esteem, which then leads to more mistakes and more verbal abuse.

"With counselling, decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. Tell him you won't stand for it anymore. If that sends him off the ledge what's he going to do when something serious happens??"

Reader Response - "You're not a "scatterbrain" (she described herself, this way). You're confused by his treatment. You can't fight because he has no rules and will call you anything and do anything to stifle your anger.

"I could've been you, years ago. His treatment of you is not for your own good. It's for his. He wants control and power over you. Have you ever heard of lecturing, criticizing, and belittling making someone better?

"DO NOT get pregnant! Having kids with this man will tie you to him forever. DO seek counseling. Tell your family doctor everything, in case of depression. Agencies like Family Services offer low cost counseling. If you have close friends or family you can stay with, go now. Only seek out people who are positive and supportive.

"Look for a job so that you can be financially independent. LEAVE HIM and have no contact with him after you're gone. I know you love him and sometimes things are good. But is the good worth what the bad is doing to you?

"One day you'll realize that you're getting along without him quite well without any help from him.

"You might think this is normal for a relationship. It is not. If you give yourself a chance, someday you'll find someone who'll respect you and allow you to be yourself. Even if not, you'll still have someone who loves and respects you - Yourself."

Reader Response - "I've lived what she's going through. Have her read "Boundaries" by Harry Cloud & John Townsend. And get out if he's not willing to change. If she doesn't do anything about this now, it'll only get worse."

I'm in my 20's, living at home while attending school. My parents have been married 25 years despite my mother's increasing coldness.

When I mentioned my moving out after school, with my boyfriend of one year, she said she could then "kick Dad out" of their bedroom, they were like "roommates" anyways.

My father loves her. Yet she constantly criticizes him and openly regrets marrying him.

Her extreme negativity has me feeling bouts of unnecessary hatred and nit-picking toward my boyfriend lately, and unhappiness.

I'm terrified I'll end up like her. How do I distance myself through these few years in school? I can't afford to move yet.

Miserable

It's her story, not yours. Walk away from her revelations, saying it's inappropriate for you to hear them.

Deal with your boyfriend on his own merits. If you're still feeling angry, discuss any valid reasons with him. Meanwhile, work towards independence (get a party-time job).