Our daughter’s getting married soon. She’ll be moving into her fiancé’s house, 100 km from our home where she now lives.
In her teens, she had a baby whom she was determined to keep. Our granddaughter, now deemed a “gifted child,” is quite a handful.
And her mother’s been diagnosed with mental health issues that make her volatile, unpredictable, and prone to making poor choices.
There are often angry words and put-downs from mother to child.
The girl adores her mother, who nevertheless thinks that if she really loved her, she’d do as she's told.
I've tried to explain that the girl needs to establish herself as an independent person with her own goals and values. However, nothing changes.
Our daughter returned to work following her maternity leave. Since then, I’ve been my granddaughter’s primary caregiver.
She’s a huge part of my life. Yet it’s sad that her mother doesn't want to take her to her new home with her groom! She complains about having to look for daycare, and the “extra work.” She admits that she has no patience for children.
I’d be thrilled to keep my granddaughter here! However, both my husband and I have worsening medical conditions.
Parenting this child is stressful and causing our health to deteriorate even faster. My husband’s happy to let her move with her mom.
This is causing more strife between us.
The girl’s father sees her several times a month, but is married with children. His wife isn’t interested in our granddaughter.
My granddaughter keeps begging me to move with them (I can't), or let her visit there and stay with me.
Meanwhile, we worry that the marriage will be short-lived when her fiancé feels the full impact of her intense moods.
Your daughter’s already feeling negative about taking her daughter and being responsible for her. She likely doesn’t handle stress well. The move, and new marriage will provide plenty more.
Meanwhile, since the couple both work, if you kept your granddaughter at least for periods of time, they could pay towards a part-time nanny to ease your stress by taking her to activities and occupying some of her time.
Her mother could have her stay over Christmas, spring break, and at least one month of summer, so the girl doesn’t feel abandoned by her own parent.
These are just suggestions. To clarify a workable plan, you all need to talk to a counsellor to help determine the best interest of the child.
The unpredictability and volatility of her mother, plus the girl’s own energies will create crises, unless you seek professional guidance.
My wonderful in-laws love entertaining. We’re there regularly. Despite the elegantly-set table and wonderfully-cooked food, their dinner manners are atrocious.
The slurping and chewing noises are revolting. Worse, my mother-in-law eats with her mouth open, continually taking in more food while talking.
I have poor hearing and partially rely on lip-reading.
Seeing partially-chewed food grosses me out, creating anxiety.
How can I tactfully tell her what she’s doing without hurting her feelings?
“Wonderful in-laws” are to be treasured. Your spouse would be the one who says something, if at all.
Privately, your MIL could be told that you must lip-read, but her chewing with her mouth open makes it very difficult.
Your spouse could suggest that a brief (also private) video be taken of her eating, so she sees what happens. But she’ll be embarrassed and hurt.
Consider visiting after the meal. Or, during dinner, converse more with your father-in-law.
I met this guy two years ago. We became very close friends but nothing more because he was dating my friend.
After they broke up, we were still very close. Sometimes I felt like he was into me.
We eventually went our separate ways but still saw each other occasionally. Now I see him with another girl and I feel somewhat jealous.
I think I’ve always had feelings for him. I don't know if I should let go of him or not.
If either of you ever had feelings beyond friendship, you both chose not to act on them.
Now that he’s involved with someone else is no time for fantasy.
What you’re holding onto is hurt pride that’s coming out as jealousy. It’s a negative way to view passing friendships and can hold you back from being confident when you’re certain you like someone.
Don’t create a drama where it doesn’t exist.
Tip of the day:
Get professional counselling about changes that’ll negatively affect a child.