My wife of seven years is adorable, fun, and cute (though I wish she'd lose some weight). Yet, she’s a complete monster when she's drunk. She becomes self-centered, pushy, pouty, demanding, easily upset. I drink, but if I get drunk (rare) I tend to try to keep myself quiet.
Every time she drinks, she gets drunk. She can't have just a few drinks or take my advice of having a drink, then drinking water, having another drink, then two glasses of water, then eating, etc.

She literally drinks until she's incapable of speech and falls asleep on the couch, waking up only to take another drink she can't handle.

It's become a real problem in our marriage, particularly with the holidays. I can't think of one work function when she hasn't come home hammered.

I tell her how her drinking affects us, and she says she'll try to do better, but doesn't. She'll go weeks without having a drink. But if it's a social function, she'll get hammered and not even know it.

Despairing Husband

Yes, your wife has a serious drinking problem. So it’s surprising that, given this could ruin your marriage, her health, and cost her job, you mention her weight.

I urge you to drop that topic completely. If there’s any hope that she can break her alcoholic habit, she needs every support from you possible. Even casual weight references may be making her more self-conscious and insecure socially, contributing to her drinking till she drops.

This isn’t only happening when she’s out. It’s happening every time she’s out.

She must get into an addiction prevention program. There are groups and therapists who deal with this, but I recommend trying Alcoholics’ Anonymous because of the support group for her, and for you (Alanon).

If she resists, I suggest you both see an addiction specialist so you two can be on the same page to help her.

I’m in my early 20s. My boyfriend and I broke up seven months ago due to him cheating. Three months ago, he reached out to me.

We didn't get into a relationship because we wanted to first deal with past issues. He said that the girl with whom he’d cheated was no longer his friend on Facebook or Twitter.

Recently I discovered that she’s still his friend on both social media accounts. When I tried to discuss this, he always had an excuse as to why he couldn't talk - an essay due, studying for an exam, or he’s out with friends.

When we did talk, he said he couldn’t believe I’m doing this to him when he had an exam in a few days. The next day I learned he was at social events that same day.

I was really upset about this. I feel like I'm not a priority. I'm not mad at him, I'm hurt.

Feeling Low

Get angry, and get going… far from this self-absorbed guy who’s not upfront with you, does what he wants, feels no responsibility for his actions and their effect on you.

I can’t say this more clearly – he’s not worth your hurt feelings. He doesn’t play fair in the serious-dating game. I get that he’s a student and that school’s a priority, and that you’re both still young. Still, he owed you honesty and the respect to talk about what’s bothering you when it’s something HE caused.

Move on. You have plenty of time to find someone better.

FEEDBACK Regarding your advice to the woman, 25, nearing a “deadline” to find a mate (Dec. 14):

Reader – “I agree with your advice to fill her time with adventures, fun, family, friends, and meeting new people. She’ll meet the right guy one day. She just needs to be patient and wait it out.

“I felt similarly when I was 25... at 31, I finally found him. It was so much easier meeting at that point in our lives. We both knew what we wanted, and quickly could see if we were on the same page and wanting the same things out of our lives and relationship. We’ve been happily together since, and had our first child last March.”

Ellie – Thanks for a positive example for that writer, and other singles, who get panicky about finding someone to marry. The time before is for personal growth learning to recognize who’s The Right One.