I'm a college senior whose parents now provide for me financially. However, I’d like to earn and save some money for after I graduate, when they cannot support me.
I have well-managed depression and anxiety, but worry about money.
I've read that a great, safe way to make a lot of money is through "adult modeling" on the Internet. I'm intrigued – make big money quickly, choose my own hours, not endanger my physical safety. I can choose the activities to be involved in… yet I still feel unsure about it.
I'm worried about my parents, friends, family, or future employers finding out. I don't want to be judged.
For someone who needs to manage anxiety and depression, this is NOT a worry-free-field.
You wrote, “adult modelling” in quotes because you already realize it means posing nude. Once on the Internet, the photos will always exist, and can always be found. And will be.
As for being able to choose your activities in a mega-bucks industry where modeling blurs into soft porn, trust your own instinct that you can’t be sure of having this control.
I suspect your financial concerns are part of your general tendency towards anxiety. You should discuss this with the professionals who help you stay “well-managed,” as well as with your parents who care.
They’ve supported you, to help you graduate with the ability to start earning in a field in which you can stay and grow, upgrade, and develop further.
A solid education takes time, so I understand your impatience to be independent.
But I doubt that adult modeling is a comfortable career for you to bank on.
I’m twice divorced, twice financially bankrupt, but have remained hopeful in life.
After my second divorce, I remained single and didn’t date for many years, so that I could heal and move on. Also, I have five grown children whom I raised as a single parent and provided for well.
I also lost my employment and had to exhaust my savings.
Recently, I met someone recently divorced himself and allowed myself to date him. It’s been eight months.
I’m often insecure in the relationship because I discovered that he loves nothing more than his money and reminds me frequently that I have very little money.
I really care for, and can see myself with, him in the future. However, he’s repeatedly made comments that I find uncomfortable, even after I expressed my feelings.
He recently joked about me being his concubine.
I reminded him that the house where he spends a lot of his time, and the things in it, which he enjoys, I paid for through education and hard work.
Am I being overly sensitive?
I’m not desperate for a partner, but I’d love a man who can see past dollars and cents.
I’m very troubled to move further with this relationship although we enjoy and compliment each other in many ways.
Frustrated and Insecure
You forgot to add, “except in showing me respect for my value as a person.”
You’ve already seen the signs: Even in the dating stage, he’s given to putting you down, and ignoring your feelings.
You may still own the house, but clearly he’s aware and uncomfortable that he has to provide the ongoing financial support to this relationship.
Having raised five kids, you surely know that basic character traits don’t change much in mature adults. “He loves nothing more than his money,” is both a true fact, and a prediction. Move on, and protect your self-respect.
FEEDBACK Regarding what’s appropriate to spend on wedding gifts vs. a bridal couple’s expectations (August 30):
Reader – “This is about what people should expect from friends, and how that openness can turn things around.
“When my friends and I were much younger, one of us was in university for quite a while. This meant she couldn't afford much when it came to Christmas and birthday gifts, etc.
“So, during her university years, she would make the rest of us home-baked cookies. We all loved them. When she finished school and got a good job, the first Christmas, she got us "regular" gifts. Each of us had the same comment... we wanted the cookies!
“Not only did we love them... they’ve become a wonderful tradition.”
Ellie – Thanks for this lovely, practical story. Close friends already know your limitations. So even for weddings, helping with arrangements, creating a digital album of the friendship’s highlights, etc., are meaningful gifts.
Tip of the day:
“Easy” money often involves hard realities.